Wednesday 30 April 2014

Too much talk can make you pay!

Cust: I don't understand why i'm paying so much!
Me: Do you go over your monthly limit maybe?
Cust: Nooo!! (Would you ever guess that?)
Me: May i see your counter of today (29 of month)?
Cust: Don't worry i always check and i NEVER go over!
Me: Then the counter will show you are under right?

Guess What? she had 12 hours of limit and she was at 15:30!

Tuesday 29 April 2014

Impossible phonecall

Cust: Is all day long i try to call the call center but i keep getting confusing instruction
Me: can we call them together?
Cust: Don't you believe me?
Me: Let's try
Phone: Hello press 1 for X and 2 to talk with an operator (that was ALL)

Saturday 26 April 2014

Secret Months

Cust: You never told me a month could have more then 4 weeks (28 days)!!

Thursday 24 April 2014

Free Cinema is not for everyone

Me: With this if you spend at least 10€/month you will receive a free cinema ticket that month.
Cust: But do i receive my free ticket even if i don't put money?
Me: No of course!
Cust: Ah i know all this was a scam!

Wednesday 23 April 2014

Just Friends SMS

Cust: Can you explain me this surcharge on my bill for SMS?
Me: Do you receive any strange looking sms lately?
Cust: No of course! i only receive sms from my friends!

List of the first 4 SMS of the customer on his phone
4099 PlayRoom
4820 Super B!
4826 JoyStar
4827 Sexy Girl

Tuesday 22 April 2014

Happy Birthday to me!

Who ever wish me a day without stupid customers clearly didn't pray enough!

Me:
Hello do you need to top up your phone? (for prepaid customers)
Cust: No! I need Internet! (with an upset voice)
Me: You want a new connection?
Cust: NO! i want it on my phone! (with more upset voice)
Me: It doesn't work?
Cust: NO i said! (Angry already)
Me: But do you have credit in your phone?
Cust: NO!!!!
Me: then you need to recharge your phone!
Cust: Really?? (Incredulous)

Friday 18 April 2014

A Mother need her son!

If there is a patience Guinness record i want to apply!
(Between parenthesis are my thoughts)

Cust: I'm the mother of X Y (Completely unknown person)
Me: How can i help you? (Thinking: " who the hell is your son??")
Cust: My phone is black
Me: Did you try to turn it on?
Cust: NO! when i call it's black!
Me: You mean when you try to make a phone call your screen go black?
Cust: NO! I can't receive calls!
Me: Can you please show how you make a phone call?
Cust: I say i can't call i have no money! (Already want to strangle her..)
Me: Well then it's easy madam you just need to put some more money!
Cust: But my son take care of everything!
Me: Then tell your son you finish all your money!
Cust: But i need my phone NOW! (i lost my patience NOW!)
Me: Then you need to recharge NOW without your son!
Cust: No no no... i can't do this without my son! But you know my son is X Y!
Me: Anyway you still have to put money...
Cust: But why do i need to recharge? (i know i should have bought that crocodile's pit for customer like this one..)
Me: Because you have no money!
Cust: But why? (I open her phone, and easily spot an international call)
Me: You see madam? 3 days ago you make a 10 minutes phone call to France!
Cust: But it's my nephew Z W! (another unknown name)
Me: That doesn't mean then calling him is for free!
Cust: But he call me!
Me: No madam the phone clearly show that is in the "outgoing call" not in the "received call"
Cust: So what should i say my son? (to not let you out of the house o begin with..)
Me: You don't need your son, you need to put some money in!
Cust: Are you sure?
Me: YES!
Cust: Ok then! (Hallelujah!!!!)


Wednesday 16 April 2014

Brain out of guarantee

Customer waiting in line before the opening..
Cust: I wait a lot because my phone stop working!
Me: How?
Cust: I receive this mail from Google but when i click the link it doesn't work!
Me: But this mail come from freemoney@gmail.com you didn't click right?
Cust: Yes i click and it ask my password but then it doesn't do anything!
Me: You better change all your password madam.
Cust: Why? the phone have a 2 year guarantee!
And i would have loved to answer: (but i couldn't)
Me: yes but your brain is clearly out of guarantee!

Tuesday 15 April 2014

Why use the whole alphabet?

Me: Welcome how can i help you?
Cust: Mm...
Me: Are you interested in our offers?
Cust: Mmm..
Me: Are you looking for Phone, Internet or tablet?
Cust: Mmm..
Me: All of them?
Cust: Mmm..
Me: Well what company do you have now?
Cust: Vodafone (First intelligible word he spoke! hallelujah!)
Me: We have offer X and offer Y
Cust: Mmm..

And leave without saying anything else..

Saturday 12 April 2014

My Company let me call for free!

Cust: How much is for 400 minutes/month?
Me: 10€

Cust: And what if i use more?
Me: You will spend more

Cust: Why?? I don't want to spend more!
Me: Then don't call more then 400 minutes!

Cust: Oh this is a rip off, my company don't work like this!
Me: Then why do you want to change a company that let you call for free?

Friday 11 April 2014

Humidity is Important!

Cust: I don't know the humidity!
Me: I'm not a weather station madam. I don't have this information..

Cust: But i gave Vodafone 10€ yesterday!
(Note: i don't have any connection with this company)
Me: Then you should ask them, but i doubt Vodafone sell this kind of Service (Is a Telecom provider)

Cust: This is all unfair i want my money back!
Me: Then madam you should go to this company and ask for it.
Cust: Why can't you give me the money??

Me: Do you see Vodafone writtern anywhere in my shop? No! That means i have no affiliation with them!

Cust: But you sell phones!
Me: Yes but that doesn't mean i should pay the debts of Vodafone..

Thursday 10 April 2014

How can i type my password?

Cust: How can i type my password?
Said while staring at the keyboard on the phone screen

Thursday 3 April 2014

Randomness

Cust: Can i call the mental hospital to check if i get my daily medicine?
Me: Ok (and she call and ask her doc, then give me back my phone)
Cust: But does your mother steal stuff usually?
Me: I guess not madam..
Cust: But do you like people from Naples?
Me: Some Yes some No like everybody..
Cust: No because you know i'm from Milan!
Me: I have no doubt about that..
Cust: Ah ok.. well i will go to smoke a cigarette..
Me: Sound like a good idea..
Cust: But before i go, do you think i should eat a Kebab or a Sandwich?