Friday 30 August 2013

Proud of my own country!

Sometime people come just to have some talk, and strange one too..

Customer: Ah all our money always end up in the hand of Immigrants..
Me: Truth be told, if we are looking for the guilty of stealing our money, we need only look into a mirror. Our own country men steal your and my money! You just need to look at the newspapers to realize that..

Customer: But is different when a Foreign steal your money then someone from your same country!
Me: Why? a Thief is a thief no matter how the language his speak or the color of his skin...

Customer: But if i got robbed by someone of my own country i feel proud of him.
Me: If is pride what you are looking for you just have to tell me, i will gladly take all your money to make you feel better..

Sadly he didn't accept my offer..

Thursday 29 August 2013

Magic Travel

Me: Ok i removed the PIN code from your phone.
Customer: Where did it went?

Wednesday 28 August 2013

Way too difficult

Customer: My phone is working.
Me: Did you try to turn it off and turn it on again?
Customer: I don't know how to do this "things" (turning off the phone), i don't like this devil machines..

Wednesday 21 August 2013

I know better..

Customer who bought a new phone with a new service with a certain amount of minutes (X)

Cust: all this is a scam! when i call the provider they told me i already finished my amount of free call!
Me: Well let's see what the counter inside the phone is saying so we can compare the 2 values to understand if there is any difference.

Checked the phone and it also show an use well above the amount allowed.

Me: you see maybe you didn't realize but both counter agree that you went over it.
Cust: this is all a plot to steal my money
Me: i doubt that the manufacturer and the provider collude to steal money just from you..
Cust: i know how much i call this is all a scam
(And go away angry)

Tuesday 20 August 2013

Fix the problem should be free

Customer of the day:
Cust.: how much is to fix this problem?
Me: XX€
Cust.: can you show me step by step how to do it, so i can go home and do it myself for free?
Me: Sorry madam you have to pay since i will spend the same amount of time showing it to you and performing the same work for real. You watching me doing it doesn't make my work free.
Conclusion: customer go out upset and mumbling how evil i was to not show how is done. feeling lost.

Monday 19 August 2013

Bribes

a customer trying to bribe me with a coffe to make the computer forget about his past unpaid bills.. Every day a new fool's day...

Sunday 18 August 2013

Old guy Therapy

and finally the old guy from south italy get out of my shop after explain in every details his family trouble, his work problems, his financial troubles, his judicial problems...
I should get a degree in psychology just to charge for my time listening...

Saturday 17 August 2013

Little Queen

Picture this in your mind:
Small 9 years old girl dressed up like a barby enter follower by an adult men (you can imagine his dad)
Unexpectedly she start making all the question with the men just nodding in approval.
She then command the men to buy what she choose no matter his objections and be fast..

You can see a girl who is going to run far in life..

Friday 16 August 2013

Lost in translation

When dealing with some customers is always funny how things translate:

Nothing work = My phone didn't send a single sms 5 days ago

The company try to steal my money not allowing me to check my balance = i decided to turn off internet and now i can't go online to check my balance

This is all a ripoff = a friend of mine don't want to use whatsapp to communicate with me

This phone don't work = In my basement with 1m concrete walls i don't get signal

Thursday 15 August 2013

Why is someone calling me?

Lady: My child keep getting called by this number (phone number from same country but 500km apart)
Me: And?
Lady: I don't want this person to call him
Me: Did you try to tell it to the person who is calling?
Lady: But i don't want to speak with this person, and after all why is it calling my child?
Me: And exactly how am i supposed to know who and why is someone calling you?

Wednesday 14 August 2013

1 million question

1st customer of the day:
Hello i'm not from here, but i would like to know all that's needed before coming back home and buy the product there..
ProTip for customers: Even if that is the truth (and a reasonable one even) please just don't say it, you will take all the will out of me of doing free work..

Conclusion: Speachless

Tuesday 13 August 2013

Free help is not without payment

Customer of the day:
He:
My device have this problem.
Me: where did you bought it? (seeing that is a product that i didn't sold in the past, but that i know)
He: Media market (A big chain of shops around this area)
Me: I guess you will have to bring it back where you bought it to have this service done under guarantee.
He: Oh but they are such incompetents, and this problem is reflected by their incmpetence. can you please fix it for me?
Me: I guess not, i think is fair for who got the earning from the sales to pay the cost of this service..
Conclusion:
Where is my Chainsaw when i need it?

Saturday 10 August 2013

Math is way to hard

Genius of the day
While discussion a billing issue that the customer bring up

Me: as you see this is the right value! after all is 60 minus 40. (The real actual number)
He: Can you please tell me how much should it be?

Friday 9 August 2013

But i really need the service

Genius of the day:
Cust.: I didn't pay last 2 bills (4 months), could i have the service restored without paying?
Me: No
Cust.: But i really need the service!
Me: Then you really need to pay.
ProTip for customer:
If you are not from this country you are welcome to speak even in the worst possible Italian, try another language, and if i speak or barely understand it welcome to use it to made the conversation going.
I will be welcoming in all situation, and try my best to understand you even with just hand gesture or writing if every thing else fail.

BUT if you are of this country, born lived and get educated in this country and don't suffer some mental illness i pretend from you to speak my mother tongue and i will feel insulted by you refuse to speak it and keep pushing to use a dialect of another region that i clearly state i don't speak...

Thursday 8 August 2013

Wait i need to translate

This Couple of Italians from Sicily enter.
He: Could you please give me info about this?
Me: explaining what was asked
He: Wait i need to translate to my wife..
And start to speak in dialect so tight that i can't understand anything (and i understand perfectly Italian)

Wednesday 7 August 2013

The password is wrong

I may be inclined to believe your: "I swear that is my password!"
Unless you are in in front of a "Password is wrong" message at your email web login page..

Tuesday 6 August 2013

Hologram.. of intelligence

Cust.: Good morning (Rare exception for trouble make i should point out).
Me: How can i help you?
Cust.: My phone isn't working (bought it here just the day before)
Me: Did you move your number from the old to the new phone?
Cust.: of course i did it as you told me, remove the sim from behind the battery and but it in the new phone but it still don't work!

Question for the reader: should you do you believe him?

Conclusion:

To prove his point he even show up how he did the work?
Can you spot anything strange?
The customer went a long way to follow my direction to the letter and remove the hologram from the back of the battery and put it on the new phone instead of the battery.

Saturday 3 August 2013

Goodluck Parrot

As usual i think rain bring the best out of people.

As soon as the rain stopped a couple of people from Napoli enter to sell me some lotto number extracted from their hat with the help of their parrot..

Where is the phone number of the god of Rain?

Friday 2 August 2013

This is all a Scam

Genius of the day:
Me:
And if you add X€ more to this service you can have this Device at 0€ (Current retail price over 700€) staying for at least Y month with the company.
Cust.: you mean that just because you give me it for free i have some obligation with this company?
Is not a real present without any string attached?
ah this is a scam!

And there it go away..

Thursday 1 August 2013

Windows are more Dangerous then you think

Picture this: i have an all glass front with a metal frame to encase the door (also all in glass)
Today, one more customer tried to enter by the windows
and leave a big mark where he hit the glass.

Maybe i should leave this marks instead of cleaning them..
maybe would teach someone a valuable lesson....